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How to set personal boundaries?


Setting and sustaining personal boundaries is a skill you have to learn as soon as is possible. The personal boundary-building is a challenging one. Is a process that you strongly need to have a happy and healthy life by.

➤ Personal boundaries explained

Personal boundaries meaning the physical, emotional, and mental people limits. Is your protection from abusive actions, evil, and manipulations. Personal boundaries are your own rules to identify ways for other people to behave to you. 

As you can see, is crucial. Personal boundaries will level up your life. Setting boundaries is an expression of self-respect and self-love. And part of self-care as well. It allows you to ​take control of your life. Without setting your limits, you put yourself in danger.

➤How to start to set your boundaries?

✦ Talk with yourself first ✦

Consider your past and present. Take a piece of paper and answer these questions. 

What my limits are? Physical, emotional, and mental? (* Define what is acceptable and what is not. Things that make you feel uncomfortable, angry stressed, or sad.)

Situations from the past what I felt used, stressed, scared. (*Take your time and remember moments from the past that were sad or dangerous for you. Identify the feelings you had back then.)

Do you feel underestimated? Or did you ever felt in this way? (*be honest with yourself)

Do you have around you people who make you bad, sad, or stressed?

Has anyone ever forced you to do something you didn’t want? What was it and why did you do it? (*Forcing is not always mean only physical violence. Manipulation and trap there is a type of forcing as well.)

Your answers will show you what your limits are. What situations and which people make you feel bad. You will recognize what you cannot allow. You need this analysis. Perhaps you may not notice before that your friends or partner is manipulating you or that someone is using you at work.

The conclusions may be painful and sad, but it will help you in the future. Nobody should treat you poorly. But if you don’t have your personal boundaries, people will do it for sure.

Also, you don’t need to feel guilty or shame if somebody used you or manipulated you. It’s not your fault you meet the wrong people in your life. Use these experiences to become stronger and more aware.

✦ Knowledge is your power ✦

In answering the above questions, you have certainly remembered situations in which someone used you, failed, lied, etc. Now is the time to gain some knowledge. It will be your power that protects you. 

What kind of knowledge do you need?

Learn the techniques of manipulating and influencing others. Not to use them, but to defend against them. Some may hurt you unknowingly. That is why it is worth knowing how human psychology works. You don’t have to go to college, it is enough to be aware of certain mechanisms and behaviours. Learn to be assertive. Books and the Internet are full of valuable knowledge.

✦ Make yourself a priority ✦

If you read some posts from my blog or follow the @style.ofboss Instagram account, you know how often I write about self-love and self-esteem

Check this post!

Level up your mindset! How? Check it!

Make yourself a priority.

Shift your mindset and focus on yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship in your life. Because is forever. No one will be with you forever. Only you. It is nothing bad. Is healthy when you take care of yourself first.

Then you can care of your family and friends. Running your career and achieving goals. Only a healthy body and mind allows you to do all things.

Understanding that you are a priority in your life is a step towards into creating healthy, personal boundaries that will protect you. It won’t happen overnight. But it’s worth working on it. 

✦ Make your rules ✦

Now it’s time to make your own rules. It is also worth writing down.

Determine with yourself what you agree to and what you absolutely do not, what needs to change. Write it down as you feel it and don’t limit yourself. These rules may change because your life and circumstances are also constantly changing. This is your own contract and you decide. 

And remember that you are the highest authority on you. You exactly know what you need. Trust yourself and your intuition because it is never wrong. 

These are some example that may be helpful for you:

No one have right to make comments about my weight and shame me of it.
(Means, be absolutely firm and straightforward. Communicate clearly. If that person repeats their behavior despite asking them to stop, walk away or remove them from your life.)

✦ Prepare yourself for difficult time ✦

Once you start establishing your boundaries and will act different, people can be confused or even angry. Especially people who using manipulation or are abusers. It will be difficult, but try to be strong as much as you can. As I mentioned, is not an easy process, but you should find the strength to do it.

This builds your healthy and happy future.  

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How to set personal boundaries?
How to set personal boundaries?

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